Sunday, April 3, 2011

the good, the bad, the ugly?

Well, not really. I try to keep the ugly out of my blog. Not that it isn't there in my life every day, and not that I don't want to be honest with my {few} readers, but I assume that most of my readers know me and if they do, they know the truth about my life. And no, life is not always perfect. But it does have beautiful moments that you can capture and those are the moments I want to remember.

I think balancing the truth and the beauty is something all bloggers wonder about. How real should I be? How real am I being? How real are the other blogs I read? We can photo-edit and wordsmith the truth right out of our stories and make them what we want to be, at least for today.

But today I had only one story I want to share, the story of my little boys birthday. The story of how he is now seven and how this birthday is bittersweet. It is hard to believe that he has grown into such a wonderful young man and I can say I am proud of him every day. Before we left for spring break we had school conferences and when I asked his teacher what we needed to work on she said "nothing." Nothing? Isn't there anything we can work on? No. Apparently he is a smart-as-a-whip-little boy who listens to his teacher, responds well to correction and is kind and generous with his fellow students. What more could a mother want? Right?

Tonight as I sit here and reminisce about the past 7 years of my life with Aidan I know they are the best seven years I have had. They have also been some of the hardest years of my life and I honestly don't know what is coming next. Some of you who know me know what these struggles are this year, and for those who don't I am sure it will be evident eventually. It's just that as I sat down tonight to write a little tribute to our birthday weekend and tell you funny anecdotes I couldn't do it. And so tonight instead of a glimpse into a so called "perfect" little piece of my blog life you get the "ugly."

And the rest of the story......... I don't know. I may only write about the good, and that is okay. But one thing I have learned is that we all have some "ugly" in our lives and if we are willing to share I have found people to be so much more gracious and kind then I would have ever thought. And those are the beautiful moments - the ones worth capturing.


bethany said...

it's a tricky balance, isn't it? i think the balance is trickier when life isn't just you anymore. for me...well, whatever i say, no matter how ugly, effects just me. but i think as the years progress, and "me" becomes "we"...well, i'll have to decide what gets shared and what doesn't.

as far as sharing just the good, i think of it as sifting confectioner's sugar on a dessert. (i'm nothing if i'm not REALLY specific with my analogies.) there are just somethings that are too big...too weighty to make it through the sieve. sometimes only the light and fluffy is displayed because the weighty stuff cannot be easily digested in small, tidy snippets, nor is it easily understood by people we don't know very well.

and sometimes, holding back the ugly and sharing our's our therapy! we need those pretty things to get us through. if that means holding back the ugly and highlighting the good we see in life in order to deal? that's real, too.

anyway. i could wax poetic. suffice it all to say: allow this space to be what you need it to be. :)

oh, and happy birthday, aidan!

ali said...

yes there may be ugly, but in the middle of all of it remember that YOU are beauty my friend.

happy birthday Aidan. I'm so glad my boys have such a sweet friend. Every time Aidan comes around Tyler and I always comment about what a nice kid he is.

love you neighbor.

Liv said...

I loved Bethany's comment. I tend to think that sharing some of the ugly helps the beauty shine even brighter. I also have learned a lot about being real and vulnerable and I often wonder if I don't let that be evident enough in my own writing.

I agree, let this space be whatever YOU want it to be and it will be perfectly that. Happy birthday to your sweet boy, I know you just adore him.

downthegardenpath said...

Ugly can be so consuming. I'm always amazed and impressed that you find so much to do and share that isn't ugly. Which is simply the old notion that it is NOT YOU but your circumstances that create the ugliness in your life.
I'm relieved to know that you're finding gracious ears and hearts to help you through this.
I'm gratified to see you and Aidan together, he is, indeed, a singular young man.
I'm looking forward to our next round of birthday plans...

Malaika said...

I love the quote at the top, but I am praying for you whatever the "ugly" may be.

Barb said...

It was SO good to see and talk to you! I know you have lots on your mind.

We all have just what you have-the good, the bad and the ugly. As we get older we just get better at figuring out how to deal with it all.

I, too, love the quote.

Thinking of you often. Do take care!

Stephanie said...

"But one thing I have learned is that we all have some "ugly" in our lives and if we are willing to share I have found people to be so much more gracious and kind then I would have ever thought. And those are the beautiful moments - the ones worth capturing." Even in the smallest of hurts I have experienced, I have been touched by that same thing. One thing I have found that pervades your blog is your genuineness, I find that refreshing. I hurt knowing of your pain.